Whims I would Indulge If I Were Filthy, Stinking Rich

I would take cabs whenever the heck I wanted to.

I would have a doctor nearby/on call to assuage my occasional fear that this or that is bound to develop into an enormous, cancerous lesion.

I would buy clothing that fit me well and looked good, instead of what I do now, which is buy stuff that WOULD look good, if it fit me well. It doesn't though, so I sometimes have to slouch a little or sit down.

I would give money to my friends and family, regularly. You can't just dole it out in one huge chunk, though, because they'd go crazy and drop it all on personal roller rinks.

I'd pay scientists to fix things that seem to make people miserable, like acne, cancer, STDs, loud things, mean dogs, emaciated actresses, SUVs, ATMs that don't work, bad smells, and barbecue flavored things.

I'd take drum lessons from Stewart Copeland.

I'd start a gym called The Damned Peace & Quiet Gym. You'd come there to work out and enjoy some damned peace and quiet instead of suffering in that thumping nightmare you currently call your gym. OOONTZ OOONTZ OOONTZ? No. (Thanks to Ryan for spelling out that sound.)

I'd also have the scientists work on helping me have an attention span greater than that of a chicken, in an effort to help me make longer and more informative posts.


Thanks to all who called in to my show this morning to let Brian Lee know that you miss me and appreciate him, etc. I'll be back on the air next week!

Bunny!

I'm Looking Out for Number One, and Number One Ain't You

There is a mouse in my apartment. And this ain't one uh dem fancy booklearnin' mouses they got in the labs or at the library. This is a garden variety, uninvited, greyish brown nuisance of a mouse. This mouse startled me into making unnaturally high-pitched noises the likes of which would impress dolphins. I am a tall woman. I should not be able to reach pitches that high. My poor neighbor downstairs said that he couldn't decide if I was being tickle-tortured or simply tortured, so he ran up to check on me. He found me, pacing back and forth, inconsolable, after giving my hand a Silkwood shower for several minutes with a brush and several thousand pumps of anti-bacterial soap.

What did I do to come in contact with the mouse, you ask? Well, I opened the cabinet below my sink and reached in to drop a paper towel into the trashcan. I heard something, then felt something very warm on my hand and wrist. I looked down and saw a VERY LARGE mouse frantically scurrying over the edge of the trashcan, back towards the wall from whence he came.

I hope that the mouse is reading this, as I'd hate to put down traps all over my kitchen without giving him at least a warning. (Mouse, I've put down traps all over my kitchen. There's your warning.) Unless you're paying rent and telling me witty stories, I want you out. I hate to pull rank on you, but I'm Mr. Big in my apartment.

With that said...


As warm and soothing as a filthy mouse crawling all over your hand, here are my playlists for today:

Log for first half of July 20th, 2006 show

Log for second half of July 20th, 2006 show

I'm Ready to be Heartbroken

I have become fully obsessed with Camera Obscura's adorable song, "Lloyd, I'm Ready to be Heartbroken. They're a wonderful Scottish band and the song, according to WVUD's Steve Klinge and to Pitchfork Media, is a response to Lloyd Cole & the Commotions' 1984 song, "Are You Ready to be Heartbroken?" The Camera Obscura song's lyrics are a bit hard to hear, but you won't care. You'll revel in the sweet, wistful feeling you get from the title alone, and then you'll take yourself to an east coast city and walk about.


Like sands through the hourglass, so are my playlists from today.

Log for first half of July 13th, 2006 show

Log for second half of July 13th, 2006 show


I hope that some of you noticed that, in my previous post, the image at the top was not only what appears to be the face of a man, but also the word, "Liar." I like eyeball riddles.

A Pack of Lies

This post is about things I've heard (or maybe said) that either aren't true or that I think aren't true. It might also include things that I have not heard are true, but wish were true. This post is all lies, my friend.
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Black jelly beans are spider eggs. (heard from Audrey when I was six)

You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met.

I am not obsessed with pandas. That would be sad.

You're listening to WVUD, Newark, 91.3FM, The Voice of the University of Delaware.

Sitting on a chair after a boy has been sitting there will get you pregnant. (heard in first grade)

That girl Kathy eats her own boogers. (heard in Kindergarten)

I am low-maintenance.

Hey, look! Free candy pandas!

If I take my contacts out, I'm in for the night. (said to me by fella whose contacts hurt and who wanted to spend the night)

Your dog has kennel cough. (it was cancer, actually. of the thyroid)

You do not have anything stuck in your teeth.

I don't have time.

You'd be making roughly $29/hour, but you'd have no health insurance.

I could not find your request in our music library.

This was a good idea for a post.

This picture will make it all worth it:

A Puff of Air

I went to the ophthalmologist today. Someone I worked with 4 years ago told me that my doctor, whom I've had since I was 14, is a nudist. Sometimes, I recall that fact when we're knee to knee, staring at each other through the machinery. It doesn't make me have any particular reaction; I just remember it. He's a heck of a nice guy. I'm glad ONE of us is comfortable with nudity.

Apparently, two years ago, at my last eye exam, he noted that the pressure in my left eye is a bit high. It was again today. This is a symptom of glaucoma, but I do not have glaucoma. I must, however, be tested for it yearly now. That spooked me for a second.

Here's what I now know about glaucoma: Glaucoma is a group of diseases that can damage the eye's optic nerve and result in vision loss and blindness. However, with early treatment, you can often protect your eyes against serious vision loss.

But dag, y'all. I gots the high eyeball pressures. Is that bad? The internet says: Not necessarily. Increased eye pressure means you are at risk for glaucoma, but does not mean you have the disease. A person has glaucoma only if the optic nerve is damaged. If you have increased eye pressure but no damage to the optic nerve, you do not have glaucoma. However, you are at risk. Follow the advice of your eye care professional.

Also, I should mention that the wonderful Wawa woman, who calls me honey, called me pretty today. "Hi, Pretty!" she said as I walked in. She makes my life BETTER. If I were to hit the lottery, she would get a big chunk of it. Every day this woman is kind and pleasant to everyone. How cool is that?

That's gonna smart

As swift and sure as a good slap to the face, here is my playlist from yesterday.

Log for first half of July 6th, 2006 show

Log for second half of July 6th, 2006 show