A Pack of Lies

This post is about things I've heard (or maybe said) that either aren't true or that I think aren't true. It might also include things that I have not heard are true, but wish were true. This post is all lies, my friend.
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Black jelly beans are spider eggs. (heard from Audrey when I was six)

You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met.

I am not obsessed with pandas. That would be sad.

You're listening to WVUD, Newark, 91.3FM, The Voice of the University of Delaware.

Sitting on a chair after a boy has been sitting there will get you pregnant. (heard in first grade)

That girl Kathy eats her own boogers. (heard in Kindergarten)

I am low-maintenance.

Hey, look! Free candy pandas!

If I take my contacts out, I'm in for the night. (said to me by fella whose contacts hurt and who wanted to spend the night)

Your dog has kennel cough. (it was cancer, actually. of the thyroid)

You do not have anything stuck in your teeth.

I don't have time.

You'd be making roughly $29/hour, but you'd have no health insurance.

I could not find your request in our music library.

This was a good idea for a post.

This picture will make it all worth it: