Que Sera, Sarah

I think I have found the perfect new apartment for myself. It's bigger than what I currently live in, it has a washer and dryer in it, it's in a quiet area, and it whispered my name when I saw it. Oh my heavens, I want this apartment. I'm waiting for the landlord to talk to me about the cost, as it's slightly more than I can afford. He might actually come down a bit in price, though, as honestly, I am a really good tenant. [Note: Pictured apartment is no where near what I live in now or will ever live in. I just like this new place so much that it might as well be a penthouse apartment in Manhattan.]

Sure, contrary to what a good tenant might do, I'll whine at you and call you several times in the mornings, using a tearful voice, if you're my *current* landlord. That happens, however, only if I'm forced to take showers in a GARBAGE CAN. Which, currently, I am. The water pressure in my apartment sometimes just disappears. It could happen every day for several days or not at all for a full week. I never know.

Here's what happens: I've noticed that, if I am in the shower at 7:15am, the water pressure abruptly drops. It gets so low that the water can no longer make it up the wall to the shower head and, instead, defaults to trickling out of the bathtub faucet. Trickle is a good word for it. Another way to describe the strength of this water pressure would be to ask you to imagine the effect of feeding a toddler nothing but talcum powder and saltines for, say, three weeks. After said three weeks, ask the toddler to urinate on you. Can he do it? Is there any liquid coming out? No? Such is my shower at 7:15am on many days.

I'm a reasonable gal, so I've changed my shower time to 6:30am. Some days, it happens then, too. When I had bronchitis last week, I took a shower at 3pm. It happened then. Sometimes, the water disappears and trickles weakly out of the tub faucet for only 5 minutes, then comes back to its usual, adequate-ish stream. Other times, the water simply stays gone for an hour.

My solution: I keep a 13-gallon Rubbermaid garbage can in my bathtub. First thing in the morning, I fill it with warm/hot water. When I take my shower, if the water disappears, I simply scoop water out of the garbage can with an empty cottage cheese container and wash/rinse myself that way. I told my mother that I've had to do this several times recently and she remarked that that was how they bathed when she and her family briefly lived in Burma. In 1950. BURMA IN 1950. Call me crazy, but when my current landlord told me he was going to raise the rent $40/month, I thought it best to begin looking.


EAT UP, KIDS.
THAT LADY'S HAIR AIN'T GONNA WASH ITSELF.




So, dear listeners, I'm now hoping hoping hoping that I get this new apartment. I'm trying to be very "whatever happens, happens" and "if it's meant to be your apartment, you'll get it" about the whole thing, but, I must admit that I am VERY excited.

Oh boy! I'll be on the air tomorrow. The bronchitis is just about over and I look forward to doing my show. Talk to you then.

P.S. My current landlords aren't bad folks. Sure, the place was filthy when I moved in, but they made solid efforts to fix that when I complained and they've even sent a plumber out a few times to check on the water situation. It seems that my shower just loses priority if anyone else in the building is using water. Who is to blame? No one. Or maybe this guy. Whatevs.