I Put a Hurt on You

Dear Grilled Chicken Sandwich from Wawa,

I put a serious hurt on you.
Recognize.

Sincerely,
Sarah

Cold. Cold. Very, Very Cold

And here, ice cold, are my playlists for yesterday:

Log for first half of January 25th, 2007 show

Log for second half of January 25th, 2007 show


It's insanely cold and I'm thinking of buying this coat. Is this overkill? Will I actually find myself too warm on freezing, 16 degree days like today if I buy this monster?

Area Woman Plays Hard to Take

I was FIFTEEN MINUTES LATE for my own show this morning. Why do you even put up with me? I'll tell you why: You feel sorry for me because I sat in hairspray.


And here, right on time, are my playlists for today:

Log for first half of January 18th, 2007 show

Log for second half of January 18th, 2007 show




Image courtesty of this website about unusual gravestones. It took me a minute to notice, but the Allen gravestone has a clock on top, set to 2:30.

How to Sit in Hairspray (5 Easy Steps!)

1. Be vain

2. Stand at mirror in lilliputian bathroom at work

3. Endlessly spritz hair with Frizz-Ease in attempt to rectify Nature's truculence

4. Go to bathroom, realizing that you've overshot your head and covered toilet seat (and, shortly thereafter, your rump) in "special conditioning and glossing agents"

5. Be cranky


Thumbs up, y'all!

Téléphone

And here, faster than you can speak into a mouthpiece, allowing the acoustic vibrations from your speech to push a metallic coating slightly closer to an electrode in the mouthpiece, resulting in variations in voltage and therefore a speedy conversion from acoustic to electric energy, which is then conveyed through a wire to the speaker on the other end, where electric pulses are converted into acoustic energy again, [BREATHE] are my playlists from yesterday's show and the December 28th show:

Log for first half of December 28th, 2006 show

Log for second half of December 28th, 2006 show


Log for first half of January 11th, 2007 show

Log for second half of January 11th, 2007 show


Interestingly, a search for "telephone" on Wikipedia yields this page.
Incredibly slammingly cool-ly, a search for "téléphone" on French Wikipedia yields the above awesome picture of Alexander Graham Bell from 1876. Yes, okay, so it looks like he's using an elaborate bong. It is, in fact, an early telephone.

Candy Canes and Mammograms

Some important business:
Firstly, I just ate a candy cane and enjoyed it a lot. Sure, my pancreas is now working overtime to provide enough insulin to compensate for the fact that I just ate pure sugar, but it was worth it. I'm in minty heaven.

Secondly, I have a new lady doctor. (This is a family place, kids. If you want to read smut words like "gynecologist," you'll have to go elsewhere.) After giving me a requisite breast exam, he said he felt some lumps, but that they could be normal changes that occur before menstruation. He suggested that I come back in a few weeks (at a different time in my cycle) for a second breast exam, just in case. Okay, fine. I chose not to panic. (Note for nervous friends/family members who don't want to wait until the end of this post: Not panicking was a great idea, as I'm fine and everything's cool, according to two exams and a mammogram. Hooray for health! Now, back to the chronology of events...)

THEN, he asked if I'd ever had a mammogram. I hadn't, and my understanding was that women didn't require them until at least 40. He explained that many doctors encourage their patients to have a baseline mammogram at 35 so that they have something to compare their future ones to (assuming the mammogram you have at 35 shows you to have healthy breast tissue).

So! Armed with the knowledge that my new doctor felt "lumps, but probably nothing to worry about," I left the building and scheduled my first mammogram. Everyone knows that smashing a body part between two plates isn't going to feel GOOD, but I'd heard a few stories that suggested real pain, not just discomfort. I was scared.

Here's the good news: It didn't hurt. It was barely uncomfortable. [Here is the part meant to comfort the ladies] Different women have different sensations and they say that certain breast types will feel more discomfort. I can't remember if softer-tissued breasts or denser breasts feel more pain, but, regardless, it's not the intensely painful and lengthy procedure you fear it is. I learned that my tissue is on the dense side of average, and, for what it's worth, it really wasn't bad. The machine compresses the breast between two plastic plates, yes. But its goal is not to smash you until you can't bear it. It just needs a firm enough grip to get a good scan. I wouldn't want to eat lunch in the thing, but for the three or four seconds of compression, I was just fine. Once, it really smarted for about a split second. Then, it released. Don't be scared, I beg of you. This is coming from a woman who was VERY scared and who does not have a particularly hearty or cavalier philosophy about pain. Translation: I went in there feeling like a sissy, expecting to have to really struggle through something horrible. I left whistling whatever song was playing in the elevator and thinking about lunch. Nooooooo worries at all. [End lady comfort]

There was nothing humiliating or demeaning about it at all, either. The mammographer was a heck of a gal and we shot the breeze the whole time. I even managed to make her laugh pretty hard, which was fun.

WHAT? YOU WANT TO HEAR WHAT I SAID? OKAY. So I'm sitting there with my gown on, open in the front, answering her questions before I stand up and get positioned at the machine thingy. Her head's down, and she's diligently recording my answers on her clipboard.

"Is there a history of breast cancer in your family?"
Nope.

"Have you ever had any breast surgery?"
Nope.

"Do you have breast implants currently?"
Yeah, but I'm thinking I should get my money back.

The mammographer looks up from her clipboard, eyes my 36As, and trumpets out a big, snorty laugh.

SCORE! Radiologists love a good laugh, I tell ya.

The moral of the story is this: If you have breasts, do frequent self-exams and make sure a professional checks you out every year. (Here is a 5-step diagram of how to do a self-exam.) If you have 35-year-old breasts, get a baseline mammogram and continue your self-exams. If you are prone to feeling "lumpy" at certain times during your menstrual cycle, do your exams more often so that you become familiar with what's "normal" for you before and after your period. Some women are kind of cystic and their terrain is a bit bumpier than other women's (that doesn't mean that they are any more or any less prone to cancer. It just means that they're bumpy and that's fine - but get to know your normal/healthy bumps so you can tell if a new, unhealthy bump shows up). Your caffeine intake can also affect how "lumpy" you feel.

In other words, I'm fine and my doctor was just concerned (not alarmed), but this was still a bit frightening. I'm now even more motivated to keep myself healthy and to know what's going on with my body. For example, right now, my insulin level has skyrocketed to compensate for that candy cane I ate and I'm really close to dozing offffzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


P.S. If clowns and cancer scare you, I'm really sorry about this post and its pictures.

2006 Music Reviews

Out and About Magazine printed a few blurbs from me about albums I liked in 2006. They had to edit for space (removing a few sentences and a few bands), as I'm the verbose type. Below are my original reviews. The upper right photo here (taken by the lovely Joe Del Tufo) is the original that is cropped in their article. What's with me and the weird faces when I'm photographed? I'll never know. I was pleased to finally figure out that Joe was using a wide-angle lens in these pics. That explained my enormous rump in two of the photos. I kept trying to figure out when I'd become, literally, pear-shaped. Oh, Joe. You tricked the lady!

Reviews:

Band: Grand National
Album and (Year): Kicking the National Habit (2006)
Songs: Drink to Moving On
What better way to end the year than with a song called, “Drink to Moving On”? Grand National are mature and sometimes stern-sounding lyrically, but their music is infectious. They are an intelligent fusion of Brit-pop and electronica. The album “Kicking the National Habit” was released in England in 2004, but finally made it to our shores in early 2006.

Band: Slow Runner
Album and (Year): No Disassemble (2006)
Songs: Everything is Exactly What it Seems, Break Your Mama's Back, Redneck Bar
According to their website, Slow Runner sounds “like if r2-d2 had an aching heart and a love for the noisiest Beatles songs.” Who am I to disagree? They have a tightly-produced sound, but the personality of the band makes it through the mix. I like that they have such crestfallen lyrics layered on top of tight, beat-driven pop.

Band: Ambulance, LTD
Album and (Year): New English EP (2006)
Songs: New English, Sugar Pill, Straight A's
With a bit of blues and jazz in their background and a love of 70s pop and rock, Ambulance LTD, from New York, is a band with a wonderful mix of wry lyrics and solid pop. In keeping with my apparent love of downbeat lyrics set to upbeat music, I particularly like the song “Straight A's.” It's a sarcastic, yet strangely supportive, look at a young girl's choice to go to trade school, specifically, DeVry Institute. Enjoy their wit-pop sound.

Band: The Magic Numbers
Album and (Year): The Magic Numbers (2005)
Songs: Forever Lost, Love Me Like You
Comprised of two brother/sister teams, The Magic Numbers are sweet-as-pie pop rockers who will, simply, make you feel better. In “Love Me Like You,” there's something incredibly hopeful about the way Romeo Stodart sings “oh, but baby you could turn it round” after lamenting his bad luck and worse reputation. Feel better about love: listen to a love song sung by a young man named Romeo.

Band: The Format
Album and (Year): Dog Problems (2006)
Songs: I'm Actual, Time Bomb
Over-the-top vocals reminiscent of 70s bands like Queen and Rainbow add fantastic power to these poppy, sweet tunes. The Format manage to be funny, acerbic, and somehow poignant. For example, in “I'm Actual,” the plaintive first lyrics are, “Can we please take an hour and talk about me?” The song “Time Bomb” is a straight-ahead, hip-wiggling good time that will leave you wishing you could sing as powerfully as lead vocalist Nate Ruess.

Band: Mosquitos
Album and (Year): III (2006)
Songs: Mama's Belly
A New York band with a whisper-voiced Brazilian chanteuse, Mosquitos have made buoyant, lively Bossa-Nova-Pop their specialty since their first album in 2002. Their third album delivers the same soothing, cheerful charm as the first two, with a cache of songs that will make you feel like you've just woken up to discover that the world is kind of awesome.

Band: The Long Winters
Album and (Year): Putting the Days to Bed (2006)
Songs: Fire Island AK, Honest
The Long Winters provide straightforward, driving indie rock that always tells a story. Singer/songwriter John Roderick delivers pensive lyrics in a powerful and no-nonsense vocal style that demands attention from the listener. I love that this album appeals so strongly to both men and women, with vulnerable songs like “Honest” and “Ultimatum” along side quirky rockers like “Fire Island, Alaska.” My listeners have had to deal with me playing a LOT of Long Winters songs lately. I can't get enough.

Band: Bikini Test Failure
Album and (Year): Another Day, Another Fat Pile of Cash (2006)
Songs: God Only Knows (What's Going On)
Bikini Test Failure isn't just another pretty reference to atomic energy. It's the brainchild of a fellow named James in Manchester, England, who writes, performs and produces everything on the new album, "Another Day, Another Fat Pile of Cash." If you like strong, solid Brit-rock with a side of sensitive sarcasm, he's your man.

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P.S. Here's another pic from Joe Del Tufo. I have laser-like focus when I'm on the air.

And here's what my buddy Ryan thought of the photo of me in the article: "Nice tattoo, tough guy." He then attached his version of my photo...

I still have last week's playlist to publish, so I'll get to that in the next day or two. I'm missing this week's show. A very nice man named Mark is filling in for me, so be sure to tip him as you would your regular DJ. I'll be back on the air next week!