Items

Item #1
I wore my new jeans yesterday and liked them quite a bit, though they are too long and must be hemmed. I hope that the tailor can do a cool hem so that they don't look like bad, 1980s, Jordache sale-jeans that my poor mother would have had to hem for me in 5th grade. Also, the reason that these jeans are too long is that I bought the LONG size. The regular is always a bit too short. Get off my back about it.

Item #2
I wore my underwear in-side-out yesterday and blamed the annoying, rustling label at the base of my spine on my new jeans' label. New Jeans, I am very sorry. Underwear, get your act together.

Item #3
My friend Robin had nasal passage surgery. She had a deviated septum and they cleared her right up. She had a very petite and adorable nose before and they did not change its appearance at all, as she did not need rhinoplasty. She just needed her nasal cavities bored out with a pneumatic drill. Still, though, some of her co-workers joke with her and say she has "plastic surgery nose." This hurts her feelings. Her nose, AS I JUST SAID, is adorable and not smearfacey or weird in appearance, like plastic surgery noses can be. (I'm so sorry, but we are all looking at you, Talented 1980s Icon Who Wears One Glove.) I don't know how to make this any more clear for you: Robin did not have plastic surgery. Besides, if she were going to have plastic surgery, she'd have wings added to her scapulae or something cool like that.

Item #4
I am really looking forward to this week's radio show. I'm hoping that a new CD I bought of The Soft Drugs will arrive in time.