Welcome to Tonight's Episode of *Ridiculous List of Crap I Have To Do* Starring GetOff YourAss

I have a list of things to do that could choke a horse. One of the many items will occur to me, I'll enter it into my Palm Pilot, and, invariably, never get around to doing it.

Sometimes, I toy with the idea of making one enormous, master list of everything I have to do. It is so overwhelming, even in idea form, that I can never do it. UNTIL TODAY.

Behold,in no particular order, The Ridiculous List of Crap I Have To Do, starring everyone's favorite underdog, GetOff YourAss.

* Edit the damned Crystal Skulls interview I did SEVERAL MONTHS ago. What is WRONG with me?

* Write a letter to my old gynecologist/endocrinologist guy to tell him that I'm all healthy and whatnots and to ask him if he still thinks it's cool that I was on that weird lady-problem drug for so long in the nineties.

* Kill my old Magpage email accounts. This involves saving the eight trillion emails I have saved on there from my fabulous mother and from other folks, too. I'm paying $24/month just to store old email messages. Get Off Your Ass.

* Get my new glasses before my stupid prescription is obsolete.

* Get that wacky eye exam where the eye doctor dilates my pupils. He said I need that done and okay, whatever, I'll do it. Let's just get it over with.

* Get my neighborhood parking permit. I've lived there for FIVE MONTHS now. It's time.

* Fill out my credit card affidavit, get it notarized, and send it in. Thanks, filthy criminal! I need MORE crap to do!

* Send letters to the credit unions (even though I already put alerts on my accounts) as a back up tactic to make SURE that I don't end up with identity theft crap going on. Again, I'd like to thank the criminal for helping to make this item necessary.

* Send out my resume. It's time! Go go go!

* Get a new general practitioner because mine is being interviewed by the police a lot lately for allegedly giving lots of oxycontin prescriptions to patients who then sold the drugs and split the profits with my doc. Classy.

* Schedule that dentist appointment I was supposed to schedule.

* Write letters / make phone calls to Olga, Jen, Gary, etc.

* Be more awesomer.

* Check my car's oil every few weeks, as it's been burning a lot of oil. Hooray for new cars.


That's pretty much it, for now. I'll keep adding to it more quickly than I check things off of it, no doubt. Oh, and please note: I am not a hypochondriac. I had some health stuff in my twenties that makes it necessary for me to follow up with an endocrinologist now and then, though, and it's hard to get a referral for that without a general practitioner. Hence, the doctor appointments. I'm not saying that a strict regimen of meditation is a bad thing for me or anything, I'm just saying that I'm not afraid I'm dying from hormones or non-dilated pupils or some such nonsense. Your Uncle Sarah is just fine.